Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pants are for mortals
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
