Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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