like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
