if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
