just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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