so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
