Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
