Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize