Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
