escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
