You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
