im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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