but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
