i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
