I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
