I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
