Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize