My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
