420 ftw
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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