If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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