You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize