you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize