dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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