Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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