that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize