She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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