Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

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(708): View more from Illinois

sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.

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(806): View more from Texas

I'm like a great zombie Jesus.

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