haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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