i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
