you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
