Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
