He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
