I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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