Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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