She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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