i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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