Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
