My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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