Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
