Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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