Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
