I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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