Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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