you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
