My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize