I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize