please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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