dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
