I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
