woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
