You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
is that a dick in a sweater?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
