too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
