i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize