i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
