I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
