He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
