Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
