Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
