note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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