On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
