There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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