It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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