I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think my tv is drunk
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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