Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
