I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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