So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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