Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
