I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
