That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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