why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
