Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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