dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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