It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
