hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
