You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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