Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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