Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
