I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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