guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
