i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
