So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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