??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
