Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
