If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found your dick twin last night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
