are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
