omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
