Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
