I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize