Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
