I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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