Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
