I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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