Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
