just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
