dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
