I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
either way he was missing a nipple.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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