Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
