Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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