My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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