take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
