only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
