she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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