He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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