i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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