Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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