highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
