whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
