ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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